This made me feel so seen and the first time I’ve read a very similar experience. Friendship maintenance when everyone has moved around is so hard for me and I hate talking on the phone or texting but could talk nonstop in-person. Thank you for writing this!
This is very much me! I love to be alone, but also love people- its just hard to connect when most people aren’t the same way. Im having a fun time at gatherings even though I am quiet, but people take that for ‘not being happy’. And the texting back…. It makes me overwhelmed! I know it comes off as rude, but why should people expect an instant reply 24/7?
I’m exactly the same! Sometimes my face doesn’t catch up with my emotions haha. But yeah I agree? I think we should all just start writing letters again x
Like everybody else that left a comment here, I relate so much to this!!! Funny to think that it's possible to share experiences despite having totally different backgrounds and contexts. I also struggle with friendship maintenance and always end up feeling guilty about it. Thanks for that! ❤️
Hi Gabriela! I’m so glad you resonate (although it’s not always fun to experience is it?) absolutely, and I think for me I’ve realised that less is more. Having a small number of people who are a safe space is better than trying to maintain a huge group and feeling bad about not being able to c
I have ADHD as well and very much relate to this!! The object permanence thing is a huge struggle for me when it comes to keeping in touch with people, I love them I just forget to text them!! RSD is another big one for me as well, especially when it comes to building/maintaining newer friendships.
Yes yes yes!! Like, who knew you existed until you messaged me?? 🤣 yeah RSD is so hard in all types of relationships. Sometimes it feels easier to be alone than to trust x
thank you for sharing, i relate to so much of what you are feeling. i'm going through a friend breakup right now that has really rocked me because i feel like we were open about our differences in communication and everything but i guess i was very wrong. how do you vocalize your friendship methods to people? am i crazy to screen friends haha
I’m sorry to hear that Elizabeth! Absolutely not, I think screening friends is actually really respectful. I think it displays healthy communication and boundaries to know what you want in any relationship and ask for it. If you were open about the way that you communicate I don’t think you contributed to the loss or could have prevented it? I think it’s absolutely fine when you meet someone new to say ‘just so you know, this is where I’m at right now and what I can offer in terms of a friendship’ xx
You have read my mind: I feel exactly the same and, except for the 2 kids, my life is pretty much the same. Corporate job, tired by 8pm… and I’m always repeating to myself: am I a bad friend? The answer is always yes.
But then I also respect so much my friends life choices that it truly bothers me, even though I know they do it for love, when they don’t do it with me. “Go out!”, “take some vitamins if you’re tired”, “a Friday night doesn’t hurt anyone”.
Then then I don’t feel that bad anymore haha… I will chose the ones that respect my space until I’m ready to meet them again.
This made me feel so seen and the first time I’ve read a very similar experience. Friendship maintenance when everyone has moved around is so hard for me and I hate talking on the phone or texting but could talk nonstop in-person. Thank you for writing this!
It just takes up a lot of headspace doesn’t it? I already have a million things to think about so trying to remember to check-in etc is so hard!
This is very much me! I love to be alone, but also love people- its just hard to connect when most people aren’t the same way. Im having a fun time at gatherings even though I am quiet, but people take that for ‘not being happy’. And the texting back…. It makes me overwhelmed! I know it comes off as rude, but why should people expect an instant reply 24/7?
I’m exactly the same! Sometimes my face doesn’t catch up with my emotions haha. But yeah I agree? I think we should all just start writing letters again x
Ive always wanted to start a pen pal group so im so down!
Like everybody else that left a comment here, I relate so much to this!!! Funny to think that it's possible to share experiences despite having totally different backgrounds and contexts. I also struggle with friendship maintenance and always end up feeling guilty about it. Thanks for that! ❤️
Hi Gabriela! I’m so glad you resonate (although it’s not always fun to experience is it?) absolutely, and I think for me I’ve realised that less is more. Having a small number of people who are a safe space is better than trying to maintain a huge group and feeling bad about not being able to c
I have ADHD as well and very much relate to this!! The object permanence thing is a huge struggle for me when it comes to keeping in touch with people, I love them I just forget to text them!! RSD is another big one for me as well, especially when it comes to building/maintaining newer friendships.
Yes yes yes!! Like, who knew you existed until you messaged me?? 🤣 yeah RSD is so hard in all types of relationships. Sometimes it feels easier to be alone than to trust x
I found a piece of me in there. I understand it and know what you said writen or unwriten. You said what I was thinking about things.
Navigating friendships for any adult is so complex isn’t it!
It is. I have my one friends I have known for over 30 years and live with them. Outside of that, I have people I know. They come and go.
thank you for sharing, i relate to so much of what you are feeling. i'm going through a friend breakup right now that has really rocked me because i feel like we were open about our differences in communication and everything but i guess i was very wrong. how do you vocalize your friendship methods to people? am i crazy to screen friends haha
I’m sorry to hear that Elizabeth! Absolutely not, I think screening friends is actually really respectful. I think it displays healthy communication and boundaries to know what you want in any relationship and ask for it. If you were open about the way that you communicate I don’t think you contributed to the loss or could have prevented it? I think it’s absolutely fine when you meet someone new to say ‘just so you know, this is where I’m at right now and what I can offer in terms of a friendship’ xx
You have read my mind: I feel exactly the same and, except for the 2 kids, my life is pretty much the same. Corporate job, tired by 8pm… and I’m always repeating to myself: am I a bad friend? The answer is always yes.
But then I also respect so much my friends life choices that it truly bothers me, even though I know they do it for love, when they don’t do it with me. “Go out!”, “take some vitamins if you’re tired”, “a Friday night doesn’t hurt anyone”.
Then then I don’t feel that bad anymore haha… I will chose the ones that respect my space until I’m ready to meet them again.